This was intense. I can feel the shift. The set-up is over and we're into the weeds. The walk here was fairly light: normal guy with normal problems. But now it gets dark.
Well, we’re still in the earlies, and I expect I’ll follow through till the end. I’m guessing we are 10-20% in? And maybe Lili will be an important character in the story, possibly in terms of supporting him? Or maybe the opposite if she’s going to interpret his symptoms as ‘spiritual wickedness’ rather than organic psychosis. You don’t have to say. It’s fun to just share as a reader what I’m thinking about where we might be and how it might go … By the way, someone in my close circles who has bipolar I, found that both marijuana and alcohol destablise him and send him in the manic direction. I’m only just remembering that Alex was having some weed before his paranoid hallucinations began in that last scene.
Haha, that's a really good guess! The page number math comes out to 16%.
I won't confirm or deny, but I do appreciate your speculation about where things will go.
And yes, my marijuana use wasn't excessive but definitely habitual for a number of years. Relaxing and liberating in some ways, a bit of a security blanket in others. But around the time of the voices I stopped feeling a high at all, and its only effects were paranoia and dread. Smoking with friends, I felt I had to apologize for everything I did or said. Smoking alone, I felt an intense childlike fear of "getting in trouble."
Marijuana's not *the reason* I went off the deep end, but it definitely contributed.
Hey! I hope you didn’t feel I was asking indirectly about whether you used marijuana and whether it contributed. I wouldn’t do that in a public space - though I expect you addressed the subject only because you were comfortable to do so? The thing is, though I know the story was inspired by your own life experience, as a reader, I might guess at how closely or loosely the story reflects your personal experience. Readers can suspect whatever they like - but they can never know unless you tell. And how much you tell is always at your discretion.
Still, it’s a good thing to discuss, if we’re both comfortable doing so. It’s an honest reality that marijuana isn’t as harmless as purified water or organic fruit - and many prefer to be in denial of that or play it down.
It's sweet of you to say this, but your question didn't feel intrusive at all!
I'm not shy about discussing anything from the book. I will say I'm not interested in listing outright what actually happened and what was tweaked for the book, just because I wouldn't want that to stain the reading experience. But that said, the most significant changes from fact to fiction were made for logic and structure reasons.
Even close friends who already knew the basic story of what happened have been hesitant to ask further questions. In the other direction, it's felt good to have readers point to specific moments and say, "This is totally me!" One of my primary goals is to spark conversation, and I'm a willing participant. An open book, so to speak ;)
Now that we've reached the "inciting incident," I'm considering opening up the publication's chat with an Ask Me Anything thread for subscribers.
definitely a "complicated" situationship. i would say you've written something here that most people couldn't or wouldn't. which means it's important, necessary work
This terrified me.
Thank you! Mission accomplished.
The “mission,” of course, being to terrify YOU, Alex Shifman…
We’ve been working toward this moment for years, folks, and we finally did it! Now pack it up, time to move on!
—
*Seriously, though, thank you.
You and the course of mundane life have been accomplishing this for 35 years. Go team!
This was intense. I can feel the shift. The set-up is over and we're into the weeds. The walk here was fairly light: normal guy with normal problems. But now it gets dark.
Yes! A chapter a week made it feel a bit long, even for me (or maybe especially for me!), but as you say, we are now in the weeds.
I appreciate your use of "normal"—that's generous, haha. But normal is over.
Thanks for sticking with me this long!
Well, we’re still in the earlies, and I expect I’ll follow through till the end. I’m guessing we are 10-20% in? And maybe Lili will be an important character in the story, possibly in terms of supporting him? Or maybe the opposite if she’s going to interpret his symptoms as ‘spiritual wickedness’ rather than organic psychosis. You don’t have to say. It’s fun to just share as a reader what I’m thinking about where we might be and how it might go … By the way, someone in my close circles who has bipolar I, found that both marijuana and alcohol destablise him and send him in the manic direction. I’m only just remembering that Alex was having some weed before his paranoid hallucinations began in that last scene.
Haha, that's a really good guess! The page number math comes out to 16%.
I won't confirm or deny, but I do appreciate your speculation about where things will go.
And yes, my marijuana use wasn't excessive but definitely habitual for a number of years. Relaxing and liberating in some ways, a bit of a security blanket in others. But around the time of the voices I stopped feeling a high at all, and its only effects were paranoia and dread. Smoking with friends, I felt I had to apologize for everything I did or said. Smoking alone, I felt an intense childlike fear of "getting in trouble."
Marijuana's not *the reason* I went off the deep end, but it definitely contributed.
Hey! I hope you didn’t feel I was asking indirectly about whether you used marijuana and whether it contributed. I wouldn’t do that in a public space - though I expect you addressed the subject only because you were comfortable to do so? The thing is, though I know the story was inspired by your own life experience, as a reader, I might guess at how closely or loosely the story reflects your personal experience. Readers can suspect whatever they like - but they can never know unless you tell. And how much you tell is always at your discretion.
Still, it’s a good thing to discuss, if we’re both comfortable doing so. It’s an honest reality that marijuana isn’t as harmless as purified water or organic fruit - and many prefer to be in denial of that or play it down.
It's sweet of you to say this, but your question didn't feel intrusive at all!
I'm not shy about discussing anything from the book. I will say I'm not interested in listing outright what actually happened and what was tweaked for the book, just because I wouldn't want that to stain the reading experience. But that said, the most significant changes from fact to fiction were made for logic and structure reasons.
Even close friends who already knew the basic story of what happened have been hesitant to ask further questions. In the other direction, it's felt good to have readers point to specific moments and say, "This is totally me!" One of my primary goals is to spark conversation, and I'm a willing participant. An open book, so to speak ;)
Now that we've reached the "inciting incident," I'm considering opening up the publication's chat with an Ask Me Anything thread for subscribers.
Thanks for that reassurance. I think that would be a good use of the Substack chat function!
definitely a "complicated" situationship. i would say you've written something here that most people couldn't or wouldn't. which means it's important, necessary work